Why do critics feel they need to give you their two cents worth when they meet you in public when you have a lot of children? If you haven’t noticed already, this is a vent post. Consider yourself warned…
A number of years ago I was shopping in Costco with my husband and children. I think we only had 8 of our children at the time although I’m not positive on that. We used to split up when we’d go shopping just to make it easier to get the cart around the store. Ed would take a bunch of the kids throughout the store to look around while I’d take a bunch with me and do the shopping.
This particular shopping day I had four of the girls while my husband had two of the girls and our two sons. I was getting distracted in the book section (pretty typical of me, really) when an older man approached me with his wife. He complimented me on my daughters and proceeded to tell me how he also had four daughters.
I smiled happily as people usually just stare and look away when they see a lot of children. I thanked him and proceeded to tell him that I had two more daughters and two sons. Immediately things went downhill.
His whole demeanor changed.
He looked disgusted when he learned I had more than the four. “I feel sorry for your kids,” he said.
I kid you not.
I stood there unsure how to respond as things definitely took a sharp turn for the worst. His wife looked uncomfortable while he looked me square in the face. I didn’t know how to react. I think I just smiled at him and said for him to have a nice day as I left with my head swimming in thoughts. I was so flustered that I just wanted to get away.
Looking back had he said this to me now, I would have definitely reacted a bit differently. I’ll be honest with you and tell you that I’m not quite sure if my reaction would be viewed as Christian or not. “Turn the other cheek” is how most Christian’s would tell you to react.
However, being a ‘seasoned mother’, one getting tired of dealing with the difficult people in society, I think I would have looked him square in the face and told him that I felt sorry for his daughters.
What did I learn from all this?
This man shocked me. He made me realize that there are nasty people out there. I can’t change them by myself. But, I can pray for them.
To be honest, I feel sorry for them, and particularly for that man. He is truly missing out not knowing the beauty of his children and how good God is for giving them to him.
It has taken me a few years of deliberating to come to this conclusion, but I’m going to handle things a bit differently from now on.
I’m going to smile, square off to the person, and stop biting my tongue. I’m just going to tell them how much I love my children, how much of a blessing they are to me and my husband, and how my children will be there to save society from going down the road it’s heading.
My husband and I are producing hard workers that are independent thinkers, ones that don’t take the media at face value, and who don’t want a government hand out. Our children are smart and can handle anything life throws at them, including grumpy old shoppers.
To the grumpy old man…
If you’re reading this I’d just like to thank you. You’ve helped me put on my big girl pants. I also pray that God blesses you and shows you the value of your children and grandchildren.
Okay. Rant over.
Thank you for reading. 😉
We are Blessed with 10 here on earth with us and 5 at the feet of Jesus. Everywhere we go we get. Are they all yours? Don’t you know what causes this? Bless your heart (it is Blessed) are you Amish? Catholic? Mormon? Is school out today? ( we homeschool) the children want t-shirts printed up that say- we are not a mistake -we are chosen we are baptist and we don’t know if schools out!
Haha! I love the shirt idea! I get asked if I have a daycare. Plus, my girls get asked about ‘their children’! Umm, yeah, they’re all mine. It’s ‘funny'(sort of) but less than a century ago it was so normal to have lots of children! Now, I know four friends from high school that have children. FOUR!! It’s a sad world we live in when 3 children are considered a lot. 🙁
I usually say something like “when I’m dead I’ll have more flowers of my grave”
When I was pregnant with my first we went to a church activity and a man warned us that he had six and how horrible it was. I felt so bad for his kids. I hope they don’t know he feels that way
It makes you wonder what that man’s life must have been like to put so much hatred in his heart. His poor kids. Even if he didn’t say anything to them they had to have felt his lack of love for them. 🙁
I don’t think it’s a lack of love these people have. Some are concerned because of their own experience of stress and burden that raising a family in today’s society brings, nothing is secure (except God& Jesus). They think of the pull between being physically, emotionally and monetarily there for their children/spouse and I think that burden is too much.
If we think about it there are times when we are/have been overwhelmed but have found ways to manage/ organise the things causing it. But some people live in that still, some didn’t learn how to and barely made it out the other side and so warn others of their ‘impending doom’ lol.
I have always loved children. We have 5. 4 bio and 1 bonus stepdaughter and receive mixed reviews.
“You guys do it so well, you have to have more”
“Don’t you have a T.V?”
“No more now you hear me?”
We are grown ups, married, love the Lord….I think we are capable of making our own decisions. And to be honest, if you Mamas can make it so will I if God wants us to have anymore that is.
Amber Hurd says
I have 8 children (7 living) and I have received various comments some not bad and some terrible….. I also am started to say what the person said back to them it really is the only way they will see how it sounded. I do think they have a lack of love in their hearts because I feel they speak from bitterness….. and bitterness snuffs out love many times… I am sorry if they had a XYZ childhood.. but it isn’t everyone else responsibility to be proactive of their triggers it is their responsibility for their reactions just as it is ours.. I feel Yahushua would always say something to get people to think about their behavior… I feel you did well and you would have did well for saying what the person said back… Love inst enabling people poor behavior love is correction… Thank you for sharing this unfortunate incident.. Many people have become lovers of themselves and only want to see a reflection of that…
Amber Hurd says
I did have a lady at a thrift store say I feel sorry for the mom of all these children and she was an older lady.. I said there is no need to feel sorry for me I feel sorry for someone to say such a comment and her demeanor suddenly changed. I feel like Yahushua ministry cast out demons quite often 😉